Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Daily Thanks - Day 62 - Mistakes

Every day we have something to be thankful for. Today I am thankful for mistakes.

Why do we fall? So we may learn to pick ourselves back up. If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. If someone tells you no, consider blackmail.

Mistakes are the root of all life lessons and are a huge catalyst in gaining experience. We can try our hardest to not make them, but they are always inevitable which is a good thing. Just imagine a life without mistakes. What would it be like? It would be stale and useless because I believe that if you are not making mistakes then you are not trying hard enough. Just look at Neil Patrick Harris. If he hadn't made the mistake of getting caught up in a life of drugs and prostitution then he never would've been able to humorously mock himself for such a lifestyle which ultimately turned him into a Hollywood icon. It's beautiful.

Some mistakes that you could possibly make in life may include: consuming a bran muffin and coffee while stuck in traffic, telling a bouncer that he looks like Dakota Fanning, owning any video game when your profession is not "video game tester", making drinks with grain alcohol that are super delicious, purchasing installation art when you live in a studio apartment with 2 other people, telling a priest that you don't think there are enough sluts at church, giving a blank check to a kid whose bicycle you ran over. "Juice?", etc.

Chuck Palahniuk once said “Your birth is a mistake you'll spend your whole life trying to correct.” I think what he was trying to convey is that we are always at a constant war with ourselves. People demand so much from their lives and it's very difficult to ever feel content. While I do believe that it is good to be driven and to keep motivated to better ourselves and our lives, it's also good to, as they say, stop and smell the roses. We must do our best to learn from our mistakes rather than dwell on them for they are a very powerful tool.

So let's all take a moment and say "Today I am thankful for mistakes". Unless your name is John Bobbitt in which case you must say "Never. Make. Mistakes!! But if you do... then for the love of god... invest in a chastity belt...... and keep your knives locked in a safe!"

Thanks for listening. Check back for more things to be thankful for in days to come.

Daily Thanks - Day 61 - Weekends

Every day we have something to be thankful for. Today I am thankful for weekends.

Weekends. The light at the end of the tunnel. The cheese at the end of the maze. The 2 hot girls at the end of the sausage party. It's not always easy to reach these rewards, but if you hang in there and stay positive, good things come to those who wait.

The weekend is something that really really deserves to be appreciated. And not just only when you are imbibing it's nectars, but at all times we should be thankful for these weekly vacations. Weekends keep things from getting overwhelming, and help us to take life in stride. There is nothing quite like the sensation we get when the weekend is in our crosshairs and we know that it's going to be awesome. Can I get a hell yea?

Some things that you can experience on a weekend may include: crashing a birthday party at The Discovery Zone, riding in a boat, playing with a cat, singing disney songs at karaoke, trying to perfect your Happy Gilmore 400 yard drive, taking a shot out of someone's cleavage, dancing while wearing no shirt and sunglasses, doing a handstand, having a ping-pong tournament, writing poetry about James Franco, loitering in front of a corner store with your posse, shotgunning a beer, realizing that not only did you just waste half of your beer, but now you have to go spend another 10 minutes getting a new one, etc.

Every weekend is kind of like a personal competition with yourself. It's like, how great can I make it? We feel an obligation to live it up on these days of freedom like on Monday we're getting the lethal injection, which sometimes you would probably consider. We use the weekends as our escape. Our moment to feel alive. And even though I believe that we should do our best to enjoy and appreciate every day to the fullest, it's just a whole lot easier when you're so blasted that even Michael Bolton songs sound awesome.

So let's all take a moment and say "Today I am thankful for weekends". Unless you are one of these people whose weekend is Monday and Tuesday or something crazy like that in which case you must say "Say what you want, but getting laid on a Monday is way easier than getting laid on the "real" weekend. First of all, way less competition, and have you ever heard of happy hour?? A time where hot 20 something's get off work and attempt to drown their sorrows with half priced double gin martinis with 8 olives that they consider dinner. It's like shooting fish in a barrel. That reminds me... I really need to get tested."

Thanks for listening. Check back for more things to be thankful for in days to come.