Saturday, January 30, 2010

Daily Thanks - Day 40 - Competition

Every day we have something to be thankful for. Today I am thankful for competition.

Bathed in the delicate flicker of candlelight, Daniel Plainview delivers the line "I have a competition in me..... I want no one else to succeed...... I hate most people." This is what I bellow into the skies each morning as I sacrifice a goat and wallow in it's blood. It helps me keep my wits about everything and assures that I remain driven. Win or go home, gentlemen!

Ok so maybe winning isn't everything, but it's definitely something. If we weren't living in a society filled with people who strive to be better than the next, then we would just be a bunch of inbreds burning witches and performing surgery with large rocks. I, for one, have not burned a witch in years. At least not for religious reasons....... and for this blessing I say take 2 doses of thanks and call me in the morning.

Some situations that can lead you into the heat of competition may include: a pick up game of touch football, dying easter eggs, discussing film trivia, going after the same girl, going after the same guy, name dropping, balancing on a chain, chicken fighting, comparing fingernail cleanliness and upkeep, saving your ski resort from a greedy developer, being told that you play ball like a GIRL!, etc.

Competitiveness forces us to keep our minds and bodies limber, and we don't always have to be competing against someone else. We can compete with ourselves. Ever play yourself in basketball? It's great. You always win. Yet... you also always lose. It's bittersweet. Kind of like banging a celebrity on a public bathroom floor.... but one thing will always remain true. Competition is a requisite in life, it is essential to human progression, and if we stick together then we will someday overtake all of these witches that damn our harvest.

So let's all take a moment and say "Today I am thankful for competition". Unless you are the type of person who is going to be a big sore loser if you don't win in which case you must say "Doesn't count! The timer was up! You change that fucking card or I will kill your mother and sodomize your father! TEST ME!" Jesus, Barry. You're playing Scattergories against a 7 year old.... put down the cleaver you baboon.

Thanks for listening. Check back for more things to be thankful for in days to come.

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