Friday, November 6, 2009

Daily Thanks - Day 13 - The Throat Hair

Every day we have something to be thankful for. Today I am thankful that I do not have a hair stuck in my throat.

I can't stress the amount of importance that I lay on the comfort and functionality of my mouth. If you catch me on a day where something in my mouth is amiss..... stay on your side of the jungle gym. The mouth is a highly valued sanctuary of endless capabilities such as eating whole roasted cashews or "beatboxing" for disabled children, ergo it should be cared for and appreciated for giving us these luxuries.

Some situations that may cause you to get a hair stuck in your throat include: getting your hair in your food, getting someone else's hair in your food, consciously choosing to eat hair, conversing while getting a hair cut, snuggling with a golden retriever, orally pleasuring a penis, orally pleasuring a vagina in 1974, attempting to eat someone's head, getting a cavity filled by a nude persian man, etc.

Getting a hair caught in your throat can leave you feeling helpless and violated. Its ruthless hold on your well-being can be so sovereign that it can drive a seemingly stable societal unit into a complete state of dementia. There is nothing fair about a throat hair and I can enter this day with confidence and serenity knowing that I don't have one.

So let's all take a moment and say "Today I am thankful that I do not have a hair stuck in my throat." Unless at the moment you DO have a hair stuck in your throat in which case you must say "Haaacccgghhhh Haacghh! It's right there! Hcccgggghhhhhhh! What have I done to deserve this! She said she was 22!"

Thanks for listening. Check back for more things to be thankful for in days to come.

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