Everyday we have something to be thankful for. Today I am thankful that I am not in prison.
Even though sometimes even a picnic is no picnic... Prison certainly is no picnic. Even compared to that one picnic you had where Frankie hit you in the mouth with a frisbee and knocked a tooth out and you bled all over the cole slaw and scared children..... it still holds no candle to prison.
Some things that can get you into prison include: Murder, Rape, Embezzlement, Larceny, Trafficking, Identity Theft, Standing in your own house drinking coffee in the nude and accidently exposing your "business" to a 7 year old passer by, Taunting police officers with your newly learned "Crip Walk", Burglary and Lying to Jesus. Prison is hell and I assure you that you will meet nobody as cool and chill as Morgan Freeman during your time spent in grown up time out. A hot piece of ass like myself would certainly get slapped around and would be threatened with the act of unwanted penetration. No gracias mi amigo. On the other hand I would probably get some pretty badass "prison tats" in the process, but even so....... I'll stick with what I got going on in the real world for now.
So let's all take a moment and say "Today I am thankful that I am not in prison". Unless you are in prison while reading this in which case you must say "Fuck you Jamie".
Thanks for listening. Check back for more things to be thankful for in days to come.
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