Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Daily Thanks - Day 3 - Knife Attack

Everyday we have something to be thankful for. Today I am thankful that I am not being attacked by a man with a knife.

Let's face it.. no matter what you're doing right now chances are that it is not as bad as being attacked by a man with a knife.

Some things that can provoke a knife attack include: rudeness, ignorance, deceit, abandonment, gelled hair, being named Laurie Strode, belligerence, intolerance, tight pants, baggy pants, cockiness, pretentiousness, 69'ing a married woman, etc.

I was once "attacked" by a man with a knife. We'll say that I was guilty of knife attack provocation # 7 - Belligerence. I was at the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong amount of alcoholic fluids coursing through my reluctant bloodstream when a man harassed me and I responded in a less than pacifistic manner. He then stated that he was going to go "get something" and then "come back for me". Luckily, even in my momentary bleared and hazy disposition I managed to say to myself ".......bad......." and then proceeded to hide in a bush. That's right, I hid in a bush. And guess what.... That crazy mofo came back with a knife! But he did not find ol' jamie did he? No sir. Say what you want about my choices on this particular evening but I am not ashamed because I'll tell you one thing my friends. Being stabbed is one party that I will not be RSVP'ing for.

So let's all take a moment and say "Today I am thankful that I am not being attacked by a man with a knife". Unless at the moment you are being attacked by a man with a knife in which case you must say "I should probably get off the fucking internet because I am about to get stabbed!"

Thanks for listening. Check back for more things to be thankful for in days to come.

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